ACT TWO: Rap Battle

from by Danny Calise



Glen: Ya know, Jersey, I used be something of a rapper.

Jersey: No way.

Glen: Yup, they used to call me MC Glen.

Jersey: Piano man, give us a beat!

Jersey: When we have a little downtime, pedicabbers have been known to have rap battles.

Glen: Well, MY beats were a little more like this…

Glen: Okay everyone, I’m MC Glen
An HVAC from Oregon
I failed a drug a test for smoking weed
So now I’m tryna make a buck by pedalin’

My trainer is Jersey, he’s from NJ
And he’d like to wring the neck of Antony, right?
Yea he’s my roommate, but we can all agree that we hate the SNAKES

(Jersey is impressed by Glen’s rapping. They revel in the insult of the SNAKES. Robert Laroux and Jackleen walk up and Jersey and Glen are frightened.)

Laroux: Talkie, talkie, talkie. That’s all you peasants can do. First of all, let’s put on a real beat. DJ SNAKES, spin that shit.

(Laroux prepares to rap. Walks around rubbing his hands together, loosening up his shoulders.)

Laroux: Where do you want me start?
The fact that this girl just plays with your heart?
The fact that the SNAKES always rake it in,
And leftover P Terry’s is your din din?

People like my rides
People laugh at your bike
You’re always standing in line
I’m always snaking your rides

Couldn’t stop me if you tried
So all you can do is cry
How come you’re training him, huh
When you can barely ride?

Jersey: Alright you piece of crap.
Congratulations, you got me to rap.
I’m supposed to insult you, huh?
Well how’s this for a verbal slap

(Choking under the pressure)


Laroux: Jersey’s his name, being poor is his game
His bike it is lame, his friend is the same
Only a success if failure is his aim
You’re dumb if you think he’d ever make the SNAKES

Ooh you should be ashamed
Cause your boy looks like a poor man’s Kevin James

Glen: Jersey, you can’t choke again, let me do the next round for you.

Jersey: I have a better idea Glen, let’s get the hell outta here.

Glen: Okay.


from Tricycle Taxi: The Pedicab Musical, released October 15, 2016


all rights reserved



Danny Calise Gardena, California

A high school teacher by day, singer-songwriter by Summer, Danny Calise simply will never stop writing songs.

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