ACT ONE: Keep Austin Weird

from by Danny Calise



Drunk Old Man: I was on the bus, going down Lamar,
When I saw this man, humping a car
He was wearing pink, a skirt I think,
When it occurred to me, Austin needs a creed

I started thinking, then it hit me:
Keep Austin weird!
Woke the guy next to me sleeping,
Told em, keep Austin weird.

Jersey: Wow, so did you trademark the phrase?

Drunk Old Man: No! And now it’s owned by some corporate douche.

Glen: Wow, I guess that makes sense.

Drunk Old Man: But I’m working on a new slogan for Austin.

Jersey: Oh yea, what’s that?

Drunk Old Man: Don’t move here! (Laughs drunkenly and stumbles out of the cab)

Jersey: Everyone debates, what makes Austin strange
Some would say the bats, or the walls of spray paint
Has it lost its edge, ‘cause musicians can’t pay rent
They go and built a million lofts, much to our discontent

So I implore you, I am begging
Keep Austin Weird
Too much money, too many people
Are moving here

Jersey: Oh I remember what it used to be like in Austin, before all of you moved here.

Glen: Didn’t you say you moved here two years ago?

Jersey: Whatever!

Jersey: It was so much less crowded. I used zip around this town.

Glen: But weren’t there fewer bike lanes?

Jersey: Shut up Glen!

Jersey: The point is that part of being from Austin, it’s your right to complain.

Jersey: Step on in, guys. Let’s Keep Austin Weird tonight.
Corporate Douche: Keep Austin Weird huh?

Jersey: Ya know, I heard the phrase Keep Austin Weird is actually owned by…(Jersey realizes that the guys he is talking to is a corporate douche) a corporation.

CD: Yea, it is. Mine.

Jersey: Wait a minute, you’re the guy who owns the trademark on Keep Austin Weird? You must have made a fortune off of it.

CD: Damn right. And I made even more when I sold it to Portland.

Jersey: Wow, you must have a house on the lake next to Matthew McConaughey or something!

CD: I don’t even live here.

Jersey: Um, sir, where do you live then?

CD: I split my time two ways between New York, and California.

Jersey: Nooooo. (CD steps off the cab.)

Jersey: So I implore you, I am begging
Keep Austin Weird
Too much money, too many people
Are moving here

(A couple gets onto Jersey’s cab.)

Jersey: Hey folks, so where are you from?

Couple: California!

Jersey and Glen: Don’t move here!


from Tricycle Taxi: The Pedicab Musical, released October 15, 2016


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Danny Calise Gardena, California

A high school teacher by day, singer-songwriter by Summer, Danny Calise simply will never stop writing songs.

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