Glen: Uh, Jersey? (Jersey nods) Oh, hey, I’m-


Jersey: Glen, I know.


Glen: I just want to say thanks for training me tonight.


Jersey: No problem, dude. Just try not to lose me too much money tonight, okay?


Glen: Will do, boss!


Jersey: Now Glen. Can you smell anything in the air tonight?


Glen: Piss?


Jersey: Yes, but also, love.


Jersey: Do you see the full moon?
Well, all those couples do too (they’re horny!)


Help em turn a good night into a great one
Take em for a ride, make it feel like vacation


The dinner crowd is letting out
Let’s head on over to the Loooonesome Dove


No wants to walk around
Tell em it’d be better to rooollll around
To stroll rest a while and sit down
Digest awhile and sit down


Just give em that look, like, “you know you want to”


Because it’s
Date night in Austin
So won’t you come for a ride?


Yea it’s date night in Austin
Put your troubles aside


Jersey: Hi guys, beautiful night for a pedicab ride.


(A couple is walking on the sidewalk and look at each other to consider Jersey’s offer. They nod in agreement. They step aboard Jersey’s cab.)


Jersey: Best decision you ever made.


Jersey: How’s we doing tonight?


Hillary: We’re on our first date!


(Jersey smiles at Bill and Hillary then turns to the audience and motions as if he is shooting himself in the head.)


Bill: About how much is this gonna cost?


Hillary: Aren’t I worth it?


Jersey: How was the Lonesome Dove?


Bill: (Under his breath) Expensive.


Hillary: That’s the price you pay for love. (She cuddles up to Bill)


Choir: Oooh.


Hillary: Let’s go somewhere for a drink.


Bill: It’s happy hour still I think.


Hillary: Noooo. Let’s go somewhere fancy!


Bill: Noooo.


Jersey: (Butting in) That sounds so romantic.


Choir: Oooh.


Bill: You can drop us off there. (points to a street corner)


Hillary: Noooo, I like the wind in my hair.


Jersey: (laughing to Bill) You gotta deal with it.


Jersey: Because it’s
Date night in Austin
So I’ll take you for a ride


Yea it’s date night in Austin
So put your budget aside


Bill: (with desperation) Okay, here please.


(Bill and Hillary exit the pedicab and stand beside Jersey.)


Jersey: Okay guys, that’ll be $40.


Bill: But you only rode us around for one song.


Jersey: I know, I charge $40 per song.


Bill: That’s more than a stri…


Jersey: Plus tip.


Hillary: Hurry up, I want a shot!


Bill: (paying Jersey) Oh alright. How the hell can you get away with this?


Jersey: Because it’s
Date night in Austin
And everyone wants a ride


Yea it’s date night in Austin
And love has a price